So, couple of quick things. I’ve learnt I really should never post from my Blackberry or when highly intoxicated. For those interested, I made a couple of edits to the post “As Drunk as a Homeless Man on New Years Eve”. I’d like to believe it’s a better read now, still as “Honest” as before, just a whole lot better to read. I apologize for all the spelling and grammar mistakes.
So moving on, this is going to be a quick post.
I was sitting at work today when I emailed TPG (The Pact Girl) 10 things I’d rather be doing. The 10 things were really good, so I’ve decided to share them with you – My Avid Readers!
While this isn’t the original list emailed, it’s pretty close. So here you go in a vague order of importance, 10 Things I’d rather be doing:
10) Taking a dump, while reading JLA (Justice League of America) comics: You’d be amazed at how relaxing and fun this is.
9) Getting a lap dance in a strip club in NYC: Nothing like a Brooklyn girl giving you a lap dance, alternatively you could get one from a Latina girl as well. Whatever floats your boat.
8) Getting a lap dance in a strip club in Las Vegas: Completely difference experience, as nothing beats a Brooklyn girl who moved to LA, got implants, failed at acting and decided to become a stripper in Vegas instead (Only one step away from making a porno!). More over you can follow this up with a Breakfast Buffet for $4.99!
7) Playing Poker with MJ (Jackson), MJ (Jordan), Elvis, Kobe, Wilt, Lenon and Lenin: You telling me you don’t want to know what Jordan thinks about Kobe? Or what Jackson thinks about his death, his kids custody battle and his possible burial at Neverland? Let’s not even get started on Wilt telling you stories on how he slept with over a 100 HCHHSSTT’s while cussing Shaq out. Lennon cussing McCartney out and finally Lenin cussing Stalin out. Lots of cussing, good times all around in my opinion.
6) Riding Suzzanne across India while singing “Life is a Highway” in my head: I do think that after an hour or two when I can’t feel my ass, I’ll probably want to do one of the other 9 things. In the meantime though “life is a high way and I wanna ride it all night long!”.
5) Having crazy animal sex with Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson and Cindy Crawford: There were two things good about Transformers 2. Robots thirty feet tall kicking ass and Megan Fox licking her lips and doing her best impression of C.J Parker running on the beach. Scarlett just does it for me. As for Cindy, Damn that sexy mole.
By the way: Has a mole ever made a woman more sexy? Is it even possible? When I see the moles on the faces of most “normal” women, I wonder how long before I say something stupid like “Holey Moley!” or “Moles Away”. With Cindy, it’s more like “Mole me baby! All night long!”.
4) Chilling with Didi in NYC and then getting drunk while celebrating Tutti Fruiti’s Birthday: Tutti Fruiti doesn’t read my blog, but here’s a shout out to her, also the thought of free drink’s since it’s her Birthday is always nice. Oh and Didi cooks a mean lasagna.
3) Chill with Mom in Dubai, and have MWA (Mangie Wants Ass) visit me in Dubai so he can buy me drinks: I’m cheap and broke. He’s rich and generous. It’s a good combination. Mom provides free housing. Did I ever mention I love my Mom?
2) Chilling in my apartment with MWA, TL (Team Lead), Beige (pronounced like the colour) and Coffee, drinking tons of beer and having D&M (Deep and Meaningful – TPG’s abbreviation) conversation: Nothing beats good friends, good booze and good conversation.
and finally…
1) Getting drunk with TPG, having D&M conversation with her, which ends with my grabbing her ass (she hates that!) and her slapping me silly: What can I say, she doesn’t even know it but she could have me wrapped around her finger.
By the way a couple of really quick honorable mentions such as playing ball with Alinefx, MWA, and Beige, going to Burritoville will Coffee, getting drunk with my little sister and watching her make a fool of herself as she starts hitting on random men and driving my dad’s Jeep down from Calcutta to Bombay.
If you have any suggestions, let me know. I welcome new and different ideas.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Trooper said…
Kill me now plz kthxbi!
Bosey said…
I like… wish I could do all the above but obviously with some of the names replaced!!! Have done some of the things in the past but sadly no bike journeys through India or anywhere for that matter. Done car journeys though! Lots of them…closest to bike journey – saw easy Rider but i think that doesn’t count. But interesting post… and your mom loves you too!
Pact Girl said…
You’d have to travel a long way to slap my ass (and even so I wouldn’t let you get anywhere near it!) so I guess there’s another thing you can add to the list! :-) That and lying on the beach!! Can’t beat it!
Popajan Banana said…
“Life is a Highway” – is that seriously the best riding song that comes to your head while riding? Hell man think immigrant song, born to be wild, highway star, riders on the storm. Dammit Suzanne’s probably rusting thinking of the you singing
Inka said…
Pfftt…..
Zaev Dutt said…
Pact Girl: :-D
BWSP (Popajan Banana: I like the song. Suzzanne likes the song. You sing your song, I’ll sing mine.
Inka: Pfft to you too.
Zaev Dutt said…
Trooper: Kk thx4plyin GG.
Bosey: Thumbs up!
Bosey said…
what on earth does ” Kk thx4plyin GG.” mean? I know the world is FULL of abbreviations nowadays but this seems a little extreme to me!!!
Inka said…
I’m probably the only one who is going to disagree with the general back-thumping and thumbs-upping around here. And this is why:
1) I think you can do much better. Your writing potential is better than that.
2) I’m reacting from an editorial/stylistic point of view
3) You asked for criticism
Even for your “List” genre posts (which is you being lazy with your writing) this is the laziest of the lot. Points 8 and 9 are repetitive – Getting a lap dance in a different state is not a strong enough topic to warrant its own point. Points 2,3 and 4, while emotionally touching, are also repetitive. Points 5 and 7 belong in the realm of fantasy – if the list was meant to be fantastical, I think you could explore far more interesting things than taking a dump with a comic book. As far as lists go, it doesn’t cut it.
You keep telling me you’re serious about writing, which is why I try to give you honest feedback, even if it is unpleasant for me criticise something written by a friend. But even at my congenial best, this one wouldn’t get a back thump or a thumbs up.
P.S. Please consider all this to be said in the nicest, most supportive way. :P
To Inka: This last post was supposed to be exactly what it is, a list of things that I thought of doing when I was at work. I chose to put these things down because while some may seem like sentimental goobilygook they are things I’d rather spend 9 hours of my day doing.
Also, you have never received a lap dance while in Vegas nor in NYC, so please don’t tell me they are the same things. They are different animals all together and both earn a spot in my top 10 things I’d rather be doing than sitting at my desk at work.
In summary, while I appreciate the criticism, I do believe you missed the point behind the post. It’s not about fantastical things, it’s not supposed to be a “serious” post. It’s just a post of a list of things I’d much rather be doing than sitting at work and staring at my monitors.
The fact that I put in “reading comics while taking a dump” goes to show just how disillusioned I was with work at the moment.
Also, just because I want to get serious about my writing doesn’t mean I can’t write a post which is flimsy, whimsical and nonsensical. Does it??
Point taken.