Wow.

Really, there isn’t a more apt word to describe the Big Apple other than “Wow”.

I think this was a trip that was much needed by me. It’s really help put a lot of things into perspective. As for how much of it I should share with you my avid readers? Well, I’m not quite sure. It’s not that I don’t trust you being discreet. Quite the opposite. I trust all my readers. It’s just that I’m not sure you guys really want to spend the next 5 minutes reading about the sordid details of my trip. I mean do you really want to know about the green cheese cake, honey mustard pork and garlic chicken that my Didi fed me (delicious by the way!)?

Instead, how about I just impart upon you the little nuggets of wisdom that I picked up for myself in the City that never sleeps. Oh and believe me, it never sleeps. The burrito I ate at 4:30 AM will attest to that.

First off, I believe that the HCHHSSTT’s in NYC have raised the bar on the whole High Heels, Short Skirts and Tight Tops bit. They’ve also led me to re-evaluate my opinion on “tights / leggings”. I’ve never been a big fan of leggings. I think they are really stupid, especially when worn under a skirt. What’s the point? I’ll never understand this. It doesn’t accentuate anything and it doesn’t reveal more skin. So how in the world is it a good thing? If you’re going to wear a skirt, no tights should be allowed. If you’re feeling cold, then wear a pair of jeans or accessorize the skirt with boots. Having said that, some of the tight’s worn by the women of NYC – Wow. When you can see things that even a skirt won’t allow you too see, well bravo my friend, bravo.

So yes, I raise this imaginary glass of scotch in my hand to the women of NYC. Keep doing what you do, you all make the world a better place one less piece of clothing at a time.

Oh, I’ve also added a new rule to “Good Strip Club Etiquette”. If you intend to get a lap dance, but just aren’t sure which girl would best suit your lap dance “needs” and you don’t want to spend too much money trying different women, it’s completely fine with going through an interview process. This can entail having a stripper sit on your lap, put their arms around you, and basically leave you wanting more. After all, if the women are there to get as much money out of you as possible. It’s up to you to make sure you do your due diligence and get your money’s worth. Keep in mind, that if you do go through the interview process you would need to buy at least one lap dance by the end of the evening. Otherwise you’re really cheap and don’t deserve to be allowed into a strip club.

By the way, I think the most interesting exchange I have ever had the fortune to be a part of went something like this:

Zaev: (while making small talk with stripper) Wow, you’re flexible huh?

Stripper: You should see me in bed (with a deadpan look).

Zaev: (Blubbering all over himself)

Yes, that is now in my top 10 moments ever and #1 on the list of Strip Club Moments to be Savored.

For those of you that follow the comments section, you all are aware of how a certain reader always comments by leaving various quotes made by some of the greatest personalities we’ve encountered. Well, I’d like to take this moment to use a quote of his on my blog, trust me I consider it a great honor. It goes like this:

“Nothing better than seeing your buds enjoy a strip club” – Sanka 29th Oct 2009.

Those were his exact words and you know what? It sum’s up the whole “going to a strip club with your buddies thing” perfectly. Let’s face it, nobody enjoys paying for a lap dance. It’s demeaning paying for something you should be getting for free. However, when you buy one of your old college friends (who is now 28 and happily married) a lap dance from a very hot 22 year old Russian with perfect skin and breasts (it’s the lighting!) and you see the joy on his face. Well, that my friends is a moment you will savor for a long time to come and like Sanka say’s “Nothing better than seeing your buds enjoy a strip club”. Amen brother.

We’re all aware of the many breath taking sights in NYC like the Empire State building and Statue of Liberty to  name a few, but they pale in comparison to the sight I had of a police officer, the devil and a maid walk hand in hand down the long avenues of NYC. Needless to say they were all female and wore very very short skirts.

Unfortunately there is only so much you can do in four days. You really can’t be expected to see a whole lot and meet everybody, especially when you spend half your time recovering from Jet lag. I really didn’t have too much time to do much except for all the stuff that really needed to be done (Yes, Strip clubs are a must!).

Which brings me to the last and most important thing that I got out of this trip:

We all know this is a city of glamor, glitz, sin, a city that if you aren’t careful will look you up and down, chew you up and then spit you out. However, like the song goes “If I can make it there… I can make it anywhere”.

I’d have to agree with Ol’ Blue Eyes, if you keep persevering and put in the hard work and don’t give in to all the glitz, glamor, sleaze, dirt and hype, you’ll end up a happy person. Clichéd isn’t it? It may be, but this is what makes life so great. The clichés. All of them. No matter how big or small.

To Beige: the man who did it the hard way, who hasn’t given in to the hype, who goes home everyday to a family of his own that loves for him. You my friend deserve all your success. At the risk of losing all my “Streed Cred’, thank’s for the hope.

I Love this City.

All of us do stupid things in life, I haven’t met a single person that hasn’t done something stupid at one point or the other.

Remember, doing something stupid is not the same as making a bad decision. A bad decision is a decision where both your choices seemed reasonable and you just made the wrong choice. Stupid is when you do something that you know won’t bode well for you and you do it anyway.

While we have historical precedents of Stupidity such as Clinton sleeping with Monica (I can imagine Bill saying to himself “JFK has nothing on me!”), Hitler committing genocide while trying to rule the world (mind you he wasn’t the first) and if you want to get Biblical you have Adam (It was FORBIDDEN – There is no ambiguity in the word FORBIDDEN!). In one word “Stupid”.

Yet, everyday you hear about fresh acts of stupidity like Kanye West getting on stage and throwing a temper tantrum at the VMA’s or how the Knicks spent the entire summer trying to sign everybody but their own free agents.

I guess the way dog’s just keep chasing their own tails, we’re pretty much the same. We never learn.

I say WE because while I’d like to lay claim to the fact that I haven’t ever done anything stupid and any “stupid decision” was a result of a deliberate decision going bad because fate decided to screw me over at the last minute, I can’t because it wouldn’t be true.

I wish there was a scale of stupidity, that way every time somebody did something stupid we’d have a scale against which we could measure them. Alternatively, I could use it to see where I stand when compared to my friends.

After all we’re talking about a group of friends that did the following things:

1) Make out with best friends girlfriend – The details are too gory. However the girl today is a minor celebrity in India.

2) Take parents car out on New Years eve without a license and total it – Didn’t even get jail time.

3) Date a stripper – I’m not sure if I envied him or not. However she did look pregnant, which would’ve scared me away.

4) Make out with a girl in front of an Ex – There were tears, screams and tissues. OK, I lied, no tissues.

5) Think about making out with a girl in the same room as your current girlfriend and you- It’s a small step from thought to action. Nuff said.

6) Drive a rental while drunk and without a license the night before your graduation – Hmmm…. I may have been involved in this one.

7) Got a tramp stamp – All my tattoos are on my arms, legs and neck.

8) Doing it without Protection – The scariest words in the English language “I’m late!” or “I’m HIV+, I just didn’t know!”

and finally…

9) Hooking up with an engaged chick – Fine this was me, but the rest were all my friends.

That by the way is the tip of the iceberg, there is more but you get the picture.

So where am I going with this? I have no idea. I’m trying to figure out why we insist on doing things that we know will get us in more trouble than its worth.

Is there a thrill we get? Yeah maybe, but that can’t be the only thing right? I can understand doing something inane because of a bet. That makes more sense but it can’t be all.

I guess, I should ask my sister about this. She’ll probably have more insight into why people do stupid things.

After all she just pierced her tongue. STUPID!

I’ve gone a week and haven’t posted anything. A lot of my reader’s are probably thinking it’s because my grandfather passed away and I’m in mourning.

If only it were that simple. Rest assured, I am not in mourning.

I haven’t posted anything because I’m out of things to say. The last time this happened, I took three months off from blogging. I’m starting to think, I may have to do that again.

Well, I can either take time out or go on some crazy wacky adventures. Unfortunately, crazy wacky adventures are not a dime a dozen.

If they were, I’d be telling you about an adventure where a few of us friends went out for a drive, ended up a 100 kms outside Bombay on some mountain top called “Tigers Point”, where there are no tigers.

This would be followed by us deciding to get high on some grade F hash, only to realise an hour later that driving back in the fog while being stoned and having a voice in your head going on and on about best driving practices.

I mean if this had happened, it would easily be right up there in my list of  ”10 Stupidest Things To Do on A Saturday!”. Fortunately, this didn’t happen. If it did, I would tell you.

So moving on, I’ve spent the last three days trying to write something and have failed each time. For some reason, I can’t draw inspiration from anywhere else. The fact is, I really don’t want to do another emotional post. I hate to say it, but I’m just emotionally drained. OK, not drained, but just overwhelmed with the amount of emotion flying around especially in my family right now.

I have my brother, who moved to NYC and has finally got his life back on track after 10 years. He’s all happy and keeps sending me pictures of all the places he’s been. I especially miss the bathroom I had in my old NYC apartment ( I teared up on the inside). This with the fact that he met one of his long lost sister’s who is very O.G. (Original Gangster for you Not With It people). I love his enthusiasm, but man I’m still in a country with shitty broadband and no wacky adventures. Cut me some slack?

Then there’s my mother, who for some reason, spent a lot of time last week doubting and second guessing the decisions she’s made over the last 40 years. Do you realise how much doubt that must be? I get tired just thinking about it. The most I’ve ever doubted was the decision to eat the third scoop of Rocky Road Ice Cream. OK that’s not true, but you get the picture right? By the way, I did eat the third scoop and I don’t regret it. Only my belt does! Either way, why would get emotional over “mistakes”.

Then we have my Dad, who won’t admit it but is going through a pretty hard time with my Grandfather passing away. I know he feels guilty about the fact that they had been arguing a lot over the last months. I don’t understand why he’s so upset since I’m pretty sure they’ve been arguing since my Dad hit puberty. I just don’t see a problem. Aren’t fathers and sons supposed to argue?

Crazy revelation: I’m certain his Dad was more than grateful and happy that when he passed away, he had his ONLY son there with him. I”m more than doubly certain that he appreciated everything my Dad did for him leading up to that moment. I don’t think anybody would expect more. Trust my family to leave things unsaid until it’s too late.

I’m probably going to get a call today from my Dad once he reads this where he’ll threaten me with the guillotine, but these are the risks of being an intrepid blogger.

I haven’t even mentioned my sister who goes through a minimum of one crisis a week.

Apparently, her parents want her to move to the college residence. Of course, she’d much rather stay in the Paying Guest deal she has set up. I can’t blame her, aside from the freedom of being able to come and go whenever you want, there is also the fact that the college residence has a serious water shortage. This is something I could’ve used when I was 12 and hated having a shower. Apparently, as you grow older a shower becomes more important to you. Go figure.

And then we come to  me. not only do I have to face the daunting emotions of my family but I have my own issues.

For instance, worrying about the fact that I’m going gaga over a girl in a white dress and brown boots.

Sure, I know you think it doesn’t matter and is completely trivial.

Let me tell you, if you want the Manly Man’s Kryptonite? It’s a legal yet younger than morally acceptable girl in a white dress displaying ample cleavage, brown boots and an impish grin.

So if you’re still wondering why I have writer’s block? Take one guess!

It’s an injustice that people call me heartless and claim that I have the emotional maturity of a 2 year old cocker spaniel.

My grandfather passed away, as recently as this past Thursday, the 13th of August 2009.

I was set to write an “obituary” of sorts, when it dawned on me that I wouldn’t be able to. After all, how do you write about someone you didn’t know?

I’ve stated over and over on how I’ve never been close to people in my family. It’s partly because I never lived in the same city as most of my family and it doesn’t help that most of them are complete assholes.

Now my grandfather wasn’t one of the assholes. In fact, I’ve been told he was a pretty nice guy. I just never spent enough time with him to find out. The first time I met him, I was 25 and because of past experience while I was polite, I wasn’t very interested in fostering a meaningful relationship. Not a great excuse, I know.

It’s taken me 26 years to know that my grandfather liked discussing theology and communism. Imagine that, 26 years to find out that my grandfather had some very interesting stories about Kashmir and Nehru. Stories that I’ll never hear him tell me.

I only know this because my sister’s blog post on him has all these details.

So what can I say about him? Well nothing much, but I will tell you a quick story I once heard about him, from an admirer of his.

While I’m not sure how much of this is true, I’m fairly certain at least 70% – 80% is.

This story takes place before he became Air Vice Marshall.

My grandfather was asked to go to then USSR to “test drive” some airplanes that the IAF wanted to buy. So he goes and meets with the necessary people and as is the custom, they all go to a bar to get sloshed on Vodka.

They finally vacate the bar at 5 am at which point the drunk and soon to be Air Vice Marshall decides that now is as good a time as ever to “test drive” the planes. So he jumps into a plane and puts it through a workout the likes of which were never seen before. I’m talking loops, swoops and whoops!

The Jet was his paintbrush and the sky his canvas.

He lands it thirty minutes later and recommends that IAF buy the plane, which they do.

That’s all I have. After 26 years.

On the 13th of August, I lost a grandfather I never knew.

On the 13th of August, India lost a man considered to be one of the finest Air Vice Marshall’s.

On the 13th of August, India lost a man that was awarded the “Vir Chakra” and who introduced us to the world of Russian Jets.

Finally, on the 13th of August, my Dad lost his father and all I could say is “You OK? I”m sorry man”.

I just hope that when I die, I’m able to leave half the legacy that he left behind.

There is one thing I am happy about, I know he finally found his wings again.

This one is for my sister. I just read her blog after about two weeks. In my defence, she hasn’t been updating it regularly.

Well to my “shock”, I access her blog only to read bout how miserable she is and how much she misses Calcutta. Oh! And how Delhi is pretty much a soul sucking city.

I’ll be honest, I’ve had the fortune of never living in Delhi and as far as I’m concerned, I’m going to try and keep it like that.

However, I digress. The point is I can empathize with my little brat of a sister. It’s never easy going from what’s a really cushy situation into one which, well… sucks.

I would know, I went from a really cushy situation in New York to one in India which was anything but cushy.

For the record, I hate when people ask me why I came back to India! It get’s really old, really fast. So once and for all, I’m going to answer it on my blog here, and refer people to this post going forth:

1) I was scared. All my friends were busy getting started on their career’s, girlfriends and living it up. I was stuck in a dead end job, with no real “career” oppurtunities, didn’t even have a girl friend and was tired of  waking up every morning at 7 am to go work for a guy I spent most of the time loathing.

So I thought of coming back to India, the logic was simple, try my hand at a job from which I could make a career.

2) I was in a comfort zone back there, and figured leaving the country would “rock the boat” as it were.

In hindsight, not the most brilliant plan. I’m pretty sure I’d be a complete failure as a Super-Villain, which has now got me all depressed since I did habor plans for world domination. Next time I want to “rock the boat”, I’m going on a holiday.

Sorry, I digress again. I can’t help but talk about myself.

Point is, like the way my sister decided to go to Delhi to study and leave her comfort zone, I did the same thing and I’m pretty sure at some point in time, everybody has.

While it can get very scary and intimidating, especially in this world of constant information, terrorism and Barney the Purple Dinosaur. All we can really do, is hold our heads high and try our best to mold the situation we’re in to fit our needs. Of course some are better at this than others.

In the end, we made the decision to “rock the boat” and while it may not have seemed smart then or even three years later. In the end, we can only hope that it will get us one step closer, to wherever it is we want to go.

So to you Trish, my advice is that you stop trying to look for the soul in a city that may or may not be soulless.

Instead, just realise that you have started college and the next three years of your life are supposed to be the best.

How do I know? Well, do you really think Alan went back to college just to study? Of course not! He also wants to re-live what should be the best time in most people’s lives.

So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, instead of missing all the smells, sounds and luxuries of Cal, embrace the smells, sounds and luxuries of Delhi.

The biggest luxury being that for the first time in 18 years, you’re on your own with nobody to tell you what to do and what not to do.

So while this may not be big brother like behaviour, go out there and take the time to introduce yourself to the big-bad city. It’s time the world got to know Trisha.

I read in a comic book once, that the best friends you make in life are those that you make when you’re ten years old.

I’m not sure if I agree with it.

It could be true and I have to admit I do remember a lot of my friends from when I was 10 years old. However, my best friends? Well, I’d have to say  they came later, a lot later.

I once met a guy while playing ball way back in the 9th grade, at first glance he wasn’t anything special. In fact you could even give him a second glance and you probably wouldn’t even remember him.

The only reason I remembered him is because after losing to me in a game of  one on one, he kicked me on my ass  and then ran away while calling me names. He knew that if I got a hold of him, he wouldn’t live to tell the tell.

Hell hath no fury like a big strong slightly pudgy kid kicked on the ass by a skinny little punk.

This was back in 1996, I was 13 years old. Fast forward 13 years and that same skinny little kid went on to become the character I refer to as MWA. While I still haven’t forgiven him for kicking me and then running, I do love him like a brother.

Interestingly enough basketball has helped introduce me to a lot of people. Some of them I forget, and others I remember.

There was this one guy, he was a year older than me but unfortunately he was in the same grade. This guy thought he was the cat’s meow.

Sure, he was a decent looking guy and got almost any girl he wanted. Sometimes there is just no accounting for taste.

Obviously, we both disliked each other. In fact the first time we spoke, he started making fun of my new KB 8′s (Kobe Bryant’s Signature Shoe with Adidas – AWESOME!). Now, I knew it was out of jealousy, and it wasn’t my fault he was stuck wearing a pair of “Neki” knock off’s. We spent the next 20 minutes jawing at each other while trading baskets. This was back in 1997, I was 14.

Today, 12 years later I still haven’t forgiven him for making fun of my KB 8′s. Though I do love him and it helps that I’m going to be the Godfather to his soon to be born child. I call him Beige by the way.

My Mom always believed that my brother and I attracted the weirdest set of people. Looking back at our past I would have to agree.

For instance, I met this one “dude” while working out at my college gym. There I was flat on my back, bench pressing 180 pounds. I finished 20 rep’s and just managed to heave the weight back on the rack.When this dark skinned dude with a nasty scowl on his face looks at me, flexes his biceps and smirks.

So I think to myself “I’m pretty tough, I don’t need to put up with this shit!” and so in my infinite wisdom I smirk right back at him and try to confront him.

The next thing I know, I’m getting a lecture on diet and will power. Seriously, really rude. By the way this was back in 2003, I was 22.

Six years later, this guy “keeps an eye” on one of the most important people in my life and I know no matter what I’ll never be able to thank him for it. I like to refer to him on this blog as Coffee.

While eating dinner Wishy Washy told me what he hates most; is people that pretend to be your friends and then let you down.

The truth is most of your friends will always let you down. We’re all human, it can’t be helped. If you learn to accept this, you’ll find yourself a lot happier.

Sometimes though, if you are lucky enough, you meet a few people who come through for you in ways you could never imagine.

They may let you down every now and then, but like I said we’re all human. In the end I can live with that, because I also know when I need them most, they’ll find a way to be there for me.

I read in a comic book once, that the best friends you make in life are those that you make when you’re ten years old. I like to believe that sometimes you meet them later on.

To MWA, Beige and Coffee: I love you, Man.

OK, so today I heard something very funny and amazingly it actually made sense.

Now while it may not be very politically correct and it definitely is the kind of thing that sets women’s rights back a 100 years it was still funny. 

BWSP, SBB and I were discussing the dearth of women. Well the dearth of women for me. We realized as men grow older it gets a lot harder to find available women. This is because most women get into “relationships” at really young ages and are all taken by the time they get to my age.Now there are definitely exceptions to the rule like the Pact Girl, but on average they start dating very young and end up in relationships for life. 

Note: Keep in mind, I could always try to date younger women. After all I do have a 18 year old sister who knows quite a few young HCHHSSTT’s. However, even I’m not that shallow or desperate… Yet! 

As for the women that don’t start dating young, well they just get really picky. They want their guys to look like Hugh Jackman, be funny like WIll Smith and be as charming and suave as Pierce Brosnan. This by the way is virtually impossible. I mean I’m awesome, but even I’m not that awesome. 

So there we were discussing this theory, when all of a sudden SBB declares the following: “Women are like banking accounts. You have your Fixed Deposits, your Saving Accounts and finally your Current Accounts.” 

As you can imagine BWSP and I spent the next five minutes laughing. Then we realized how true his words were, you may not like it and it may seem sexist, but for most men this would be the ideal way to categorize women.

By the way Mom, I can hear you groaning out loud and wondering how in the world you managed to raise a child like me. Good luck I guess? 

We then spent the next 10 minutes fleshing out each of the categories, which I’ve taken the liberty to post for all of you avid readers out there.

This way all the women can determine which category they are in. The categories are: 

1) Fixed Deposits: These are women whom men like to take home to their parents. One possibility is that they could be daughters of family friends. This is primarily for Indian men as they believe their families would encourage an “arranged marriage”, especially if the girl is a 10 on the HCHHSSTT scale. 

Alternatively, female friends that have stuck around for years, with whom they may or may not have shared a “moment” also fit the bill.

Keep in mind that the two people managed to keep the “friendship” going through any and all turmoil.

By the way, if you spend more time talking to the guy than sleeping with him, it is a good sign.

Men like to keep these around for as long as possible, only cashing in this “account” once they settle on a girl to marry. Some men may even continue the “account” on the off chance they are hedging against a possible divorce. 

2) Savings Account: These are women that men believe have potential. The may date sporadically. 

These relationships are marked by the fact that they are meaningful. Time is spent in equal amounts of  talking and getting jiggy with it.

The minimum time spent with the girl is at least a year. It can be on and off, but it needs to be for at least a year.  

A lot of men see women in the Savings Account category as Fixed Deposits.

By the way I am really scared at how easily this Banking Analogy is catching on in my mind. It’s really making a little too much sense right now 

3) Current Deposits: These are women that most men cash in as soon as possible (By the way that sounds bad even to me). 

You know you are in this kind of relationship if the conversation is limited and sex is abundant. There is very little hope to take this anywhere unless some how the girl makes an impression that the guy is forced to make her a more permanent  / prominent fixture in his life. This is very unlikely.  

Now, I want to take this moment to let all my female readers know that I am in no way condoning this categorization. I just think for most men, it’s really convenient. Does it make it right? No, but it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be used. 

In a way, it’s a lot like Nuclear weapons. We all know they are bad, we all know they shouldn’t be kept around as it will probably lead to WW III. Yet, every country that can produce them has a stockpile of them. Let’s face it, it is really convenient. 

I would like to take this moment to let you know how scared I am. I just managed to compare “condoning of Nuclear Weapons” to “condoning of a banking analogy that helps categorize the way men “feel” about the women they are seeing”.

I’m not sure if this will make my women readers feel better, but technically you could use this to categorize men as well. Except we all know women aren’t shallow enough to actually go ahead and use it. 

More power to you all. I’m still going with convenience over correct. 

Posted via web from Zaev’s Hole in the Wall

So, that would be a picture of Sasha. I have no clue who the three women are. I think they were the three witches of ISM (Indian School Muscat) or some such thing.

While I generally don’t post pictures, videos or music, I couldn’t resist uploading this (Also, I have to admit Posterous.com makes it very easy to do – Shameless Posterous plug) since Sasha has been the only dog I’ve ever had. I think this picture pretty much explains why I felt such a deep connection with her.

Aside from the fact that we are both lazy, intelligent, and good looking. We both didn’t like being handled by the witches of ISM. Now, I’m pretty sure some of them are friends of my brothers, but if you can’t make fun of them than who can you?

By the way, I have three very vivid memories of Sasha:

3) The day she died – Yep, I was there and it wasn’t pleasant and I’ll never forgive a certain somebody for the way she died. She died of an heart attack and it really wasn’t pretty. I’m sorry this is so morbid, but It’s something that sticks with you for a long time if not forever. I’ll even admit to tearing up at times when thinking about it.

2) The day she ran away – This was when I was pretty young, around 7 and my mother and brother tricked me into taking Sasha for morning walks. They said it was temporary, and then gave me a speech about responsibility, etc. When I complained about having to take her for walks in the morning (this was because neither of them could wake up early enough to take her out, so I was volunteered – Pure Evil!). So anyway, there I was walking her and she runs away into the elevator and the door closes before I can get to it. I of course freak out and wonder where she went. Apparently, she was done and couldn’t wait to get back into the house.

1) The day she entered my life – I’m back from school (I was about 5 or 6) and I see my mom holding this puppy, completely jet black and furry. I’m all excited, and we run into the house and Wham! She enters the house, makes a bee-line for the rug right in the middle of the living room and decides to take a pee. Even I couldn’t have done a better job! Right then I knew she was a special person and would fit right in.

I’m not sure how to end this post, so I’m not going to try anything special. I’m just going to say that I don’t know if all dogs go to heaven, but if they didn’t let Sasha in… Well, then they have absolutely no taste up there.

Oh isn’t it funny that the only memories I have of being seven are of her and of calling my brother “a bastard”. Good times.

Posted via email from Zaev’s Hole in the Wall

Isn’t it funny how life always throws you a curve ball? Especially when you least expect it.

There you are chugging along amicably, and Wham! you aren’t chugging along anymore. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that can derail your “Oh So Perfect Life” and sometimes, it takes a lot more.

Today, I found out an avid reader of my blog “Whitey” was hit with a pretty mean curve ball. Now Whitey and I aren’t best friends, but I’d like to think of us as kindred spirits of sorts. After all how many other people do you know admit to eating Bacon Sandwiches, while watching episodes of South Park? Did I mention he’s an avid reader?

Whitey was a good man (or so he liked to believe), he organized many events to help build camaraderie, he had an HCHHSSTT for a girlfriend and as far as nerds go, he was as nerdy as they come without being a complete loser. Did I mention he’s an avid reader?

So, I raise my bottle of beer and to you Whitey I toast:

“Things happen for a reason, when things look bleakest remember that it can and probably will get worse. When it does get worse, just remember you have an HCHHSSTT for a girlfriend. If things get really bleak and you lose the HCHHSSTT, just remember there are some very high bridges in different cities the world over and nobody will hold a grudge against you if you decide to jump off one.

However, once you finally see the small ray of light in these moments of darkness, when you finally learn to accept that you probably have absolutely no control over your life and wake up to the realisation that God is more than likely a mean kid out to mess with your head. When and only when you embrace this, I’m sure it will help add a little color to the monochrome palate in front of you, that you call life.

After all, you just spent a year and half in India and didn’t get food poisoning even once. It doesn’t get better than that.

This one is for Whitey!”.

Did I mention, he’s an avid reader?

So I was going through my sister’s blog, and it has once again dawned on me just how much better she is at this blogging thing than I am. In fact, you fail to realise that she’s just 18 and already putting up posts that make me feel like I’m a hack.

So now not only does she write better than me, but she’s gone and gotten a 96% in her final year exams. She even passed Bengali with a 65%. Don’t ask me how she did it, because I have no clue. Don’t get me wrong, my sister is anything but dumb. She’s a little moronic and the occasional airhead but she’s not dumb.

Oh hell! Fine I’m a little jealous. Wouldn’t you be if your little brat of a sister scored a 96% in her finals and did so all the while laughing at everybody’s discomfort. Did I mention that she did that while only thinking about her trip to Bali.

I guess some people can plan as much as they want and the plans just never work out. Some of us plan and the problem is when your plans do work out, you find yourself exactly where you thought you would be only to realise that where you are is really unsatisfying. And finally some of us, don’t plan and just “wing it” and end up right where we want to be.

There is definitely something to be said for “winging it”.

She updated her blog recently saying “This author is unable to update as she is too busy having fun. ” – Well, I think we can all agree that maybe, just maybe she deserves to be having fun.

So, Trish to you I raise my beer and say “Welcome to the next chapter of your life and know that everybody now will expect nothing less than a 96% from you. After all you did it once. You can do it all the time! Enjoy!” (Evil smile).