I would shift careers if I knew what I wanted.
I really would.
The problem with this is when you don’t know what to do.
Apparently, I’m not the only one facing this problem. A lot of people I know are. The difference between those people and me? Those people may hate their jobs but they still do a kick ass job at them.
I know she doesn’t say it, nor does my dad. Nobody in my family will ever actually come out and say it. I know they’re thinking it, but they won’t say it. They will never come out and say that they want me to decide on a career and to do it quickly. I guess this is the problem with spending all your time complaining about work. You end up complaining so much that people get sick of hearing it.
Even my little brat of a sister is tired. She keeps changing the subject whenever I bring it up.
I know my mother is absolutely tired of hearing me complain about quitting (which I do every three to six months) and not having any immediate goals other than buying the latest in PS3 games.
It’s gotten so bad that when I actually wore a jacket to work and told people I went for a job interview, they laughed at me.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I do not appreciate being laughed at when I tell people that I went for a job interview. It’s just wrong. I’m not incapable of finding another job! At least not yet.
So what do I want to do?
Well I know I don’t want to do Law, Finance, Marketing, etc. Is it because I’d suck at it? Of course not. Unfortunately, I have a gift. The ability to not suck at anything… OK not anything, but anything that involves making money.
I have a knack, I’m good at making other people money. The problem with doing things that make other people money is that it leaves you with a feeling of complete emptiness. However, more importantly, I don’t want to do Law, Finance, Marketing, etc simply because I feel that every day I spend doing these things will bring me closer to the day where I am nothing but a hollow shell of a man.
Yes, I’m very melodramatic. Like I said, it’s a gift.
It’s ironic when I was 17, I would laugh at my mother and brother because they’ve always been the creative ones in the family. I always thought I’d be the one with the corporate gig, rolling in the big bucks. The irony is, I would rather be a creative person and know what I’m good at. That way I could try to make a career out of it.
I’m now three Monk (Rum) and Dew’s down and while I’m not drunk, I’m not sure where I am.
I’m turning 27 in less than 22 days.
Twenty Seven.
When I was 17, I had great hopes for myself. I always thought I’d be this big shot lawyer easily making a six figure salary, driving a BMW M5 (it was the coolest car in Need for Speed!) and dating a HCHHSSTT lawyer. In retrospect, I couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Well OK, I’m making a six figure salary but it’s in Rupee’s. It’s not the same thing. Stupid exchange rate. I’m not driving a car, let alone a BMW M5 and the lawyer HCHHHSSTT’s I know want to date Finance guys or guys with stability.
Apparently, I’m not stable. OK, fine even I’d agree with this.
You see the irony in all of this?
I’m not sure where I’m heading with this, but I promise you it’s going somewhere.
So what do you do when you are nearing your 27th birthday? I’ll admit I’m starting to get bored with all the introspection but right now it’s all I’ve got.
I miss being 15, I miss throwing parties with no alcohol being served that end at 1 am, I miss seeing 15 year old girls dressed in orange and knowing that it’s perfectly all right to want to kiss them since I’m also 15, I miss sneaking out of the house at 4 am during my summer holidays and going to playing basketball everyday and I miss talking to my friends about our respective futures and where we would all end up.
The best part about being younger is you don’t realize your limitations. It’s one of the scariest things about getting older, somewhere you realize that you don’t have all the time in the world and that each year you waste is one you’ll regret. As for any dreams about becoming a Superhero, well that just goes right out of the window once you get past 23. If you haven’t had an accident involving radioactive… ummm… radioactive “elements” by 23 then it’ll never happen.
I never did watch Ally McBeal while growing up, I didn’t find her the least bit attractive. She was not the kind of lawyer HCHHSSTT that I imagined myself with.
However, she did have one line that makes more than a little bit of sense – When you look back on the last year, do you end up crying or laughing? If you do either of those, it was a good year and if you don’t do either. Well, it was a complete waste.
Sigh, getting old is just depressing, especially when all you have is Suzzanne to show for it.
I lied, this is not going anywhere.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
My God! If I had felt like this at the age of about to be 27 I would have killed myself! One would think you really have nothing to look forward to… all I did was write about loneliness and four people have gone up in arms about why on earth I am feeling lonely! I am 61… I reserve the right to be lonely and depressed. I truly don’t have much time left to make un-realised dreams come true! But you? What right do you have to dig yourself a hole and bury yourself in it? Wake up…I know you haven’t slept… and smell the coffee. It really smells good if you gave yourself a chance to appreciate it. As for parties without booze… there’s NOTHING stopping you from doing the same any day of the week! And I strongly suggest you do…
Note to Bosey – Bosey i cant agree with you more !!!!! this son of yours needs a good shake up – and you know whats funny ? i think he gave up at 15 itself!! the eternal pessimist- and i thought iiii was bad. Thing is .. there isnt a thing that he has touched which hasnt turned to gold. He just needs to figure what to touch next ( and no Pot, dont say an HCCSSTT whatever).
Note to Pot- DO A FREAKING APTITUTE TEST !!
The problem with a post like this is that some people take it rather literally. I would like to take this opportunity to let people know I AM NOT DEPRESSED!
Bosey: I AM NOT DEPRESSED.
Lawyer Girl: You spell aptitude with a “d” not a “t”. I did take one and it said I should study law. Stupid test. As for touching an HCHHSSTT and turning her to gold… what’s the point in that?
Have you seen the price of gold recently? And have you heard of the phrase “worth her/his weight in gold”? Nuff said!!!
Look at it this way. Maybe you haven’t got what you planned on having when you were fifteen but at least, you know, you’re forging a path. Or at least motorcycling it down to Goa. You wouldn’t have done that otherwise. Think of it as Experience.
And stay away from anti depressants. :P
Man. That was depressing. This isn’t dark humour. It’s just depressing. A great read, but depressing.
Depressing isn’t always bad. As one of my idols once said.
“Happiness? Well I know it’s good and all that… but… who ever did something because they were happy?”
Very true!!! See even he thinks you are depressed!!!
I told you in 2004… but noooo, no one listened to me then…. well, the secrets OUT now..lol…
I’m glad I stumbled on this post. I’m 22 and I feel the same way. I thought going to college and picking a definite career path would provide stability and purpose but now as I’m preparing to graduate I’m not sure I made the right choice. I never really wanted to go to college; it was just something I did to convince myself that I could plan my future and make decisions and that in the end something could work out for the better. I wasted so much money and time and now I don’t really have anything I want for myself. l’m more unsure of myself now than I ever was and I think maybe I just won’t really enjoy anything that comes my way; that it doesn’t really matter anyway because I’ll be unhappy with any practical job.
How can we know what we’re meant for? How many missteps can we take until we find it?
Twenty something is still pretty young though, right? We still have years ahead to figure it out. However directionless and uncertain we are now it’ll probably work out in the end, right? Probably not how we wanted it to but we’ll find something meaningful… hopefully. Got to keep searching I guess.
I felt the same a few weeks back, this was when i left Directi & joined some other company,I had a good job, Good college , I am probably the only one in my entire class who makes some decent cash, Everything good. Still a feeling of Emptiness was killing me. Fortunately i was lucky enough to find a question for myself.
“If this day sucks, what would be an ideal day in my life?”
Boom, I had literally prepared a list of things that i would want to do everyday & not get bored…It was seriously stupid but still worth doing it, Today i at-least know what are my immediate goals & longterm goals….