I’ve been trying to write…. Really I have.
I think I’m broken. Really broken… not down there. Some of you people are sick I tell you.
27… Twenty Seven…. Tick Tock Tick Tock. There goes the clock Tick Tock.
While I do feel stupid sitting in my house drunk and writing this, I’m more than confident I’ll feel a lot more stupid when reading it tomorrow.
Random Admission #1: I will admit that being drunk definitely puts you in touch with your thoughts.
In retrospect really not so random an admission. I feel like one of those guys that make a living stating the obvious.
On a quick side note the damn song “Feelings…” is looping in my mind.
Right now I’m deep in thought and the one thought that keeps coming to the forefront is that I don’t fit in. I’ve tried to fit in, but really I just don’t think I do. Now, while its possible to conceive why I wouldn’t fit in physically, me fitting in figuratively is just as big a problem. Of course, one could pose the question why try to fit in at all? Definitely something to think about, I shall continue to do so and enlighten you with my findings at a future date.
Oh by the way I’m drunk cause we’re drinking at the new apartment: The Cave of Solitude (CoS). Time passes by very slowly in the CoS except on Sundays, where it goes by a little too fast. Damn Monday Morning Blues. Either way, the slow passing of time makes for some seriously long drinking nights. As a result, I think the alcohol being consumed is a lot more nowadays. Something to think about.
I’ll be going to Milan in a week for a conference. I’m so broke I’ve decided to come right back instead of staying a few extra days. My mother and friends think I’m barmy. I probably am, after all how many times do you get a paid ticket to Italy? Seriously though, Milan is expensive! Euro’s are way over-priced. Why can’t the Indian National Rupee be stronger? There is a conspiracy at foot. “They” want to keep me broke and then have me get drunk contemplating how I’m ever going to buy my first car with a six figure price tag in USD (Toss up between a Ferrari and an Accura NSX). I could probably start saving by giving up the drink, but like I said it’s a conspiracy.
Random thought balloon #1: How many of us have slept with women that are a zero on the HCHHSSTT scale? Or better yet would you admit to sleeping with a woman who rates a zero on the HCHHSSTT scale or would you rather admit to wearing womens underwear? Trust me, either way you look at it, not very pretty.
Random thought balloon #2: What do women think when looking at an ugly naked guy? They’re supposed to be less shallow than us Manly Men, I wonder how true that is. I’m sure the thought that goes through their mind is more like “What the fuck am I doing here???” Or “I could do so much better???” Or finally and my favourite “I’m going to kill my shrink tomorrow!”
Yes, I have issues. I know this already and so do you. Which is why you keep coming back for more. I understand that this blog is your guilty pleasure, the way I look at it is it can’t be half as bad as “Grey’s Anatomy”.
Why am I writing this “junk”?
Like I said, I think I’m broken and can’t write anymore. I’m just hoping this fixes me, at least a little. Doubt it, but one can hope right? Just like the New York Knicks are hoping for Lebron to sign with them in the off season! I think I’ll probably get laid before that happens.
Hmmm, interesting thought: Would I rather get laid? Or have the Knicks sign Lebron. Damn this is hard. I might have to go with the getting laid and letting my team stay in Basketball purgatory. The sex better be good!
On the flip side if you gave me the option of dating a girl who is a 9 on the HCHHSSTT scale or owning a Basketball team? I won’t lie, I’d go for the Basketball team.
Could you even fathom owning and running the New York Knicks?? First thing to do is to hire Patrick Ewing as head coach! Would it work? Maybe or maybe not, but wouldn’t it lift the curse of mediocrity that hit the team since the Knicks traded Ewing for Glen Rice?
Does anybody even remember Glen Rice? I just had to Wikipedia him to find out what happened to him. Talk about a curse… Bambino my arse! I think we should bet on this. Well this, or we could bet on which would happen first, the Knicks signing Bron Bron or me getting laid. I’m pretty sure we could get some good odds on these.
Just found out my roommate (BWSP) spiked my second beer with Whiskey. I’m really not sure how I feel about that. Thankful since I’m actually writing, also thankful that he likes women and not men. On some level the spiking of drinks is a scary thing.
On the flip side, if I wasn’t such a lazy drunk, it would never have happened.
Random Event #1: I just saw two chicks make out in front of me and it was very sexy. However, I can’t help but wish that maybe one in particular would kiss me. Damn these women with personalities and intelligence, it really goes a long way. Yes, this deserves Italics.By the way, as lame as this post may seem, it beats the diary a certain “colleague” of mine has been known to write. If I recall accurately, one of the pages read “I must get laid!” – oh wait that was mine, but seriously his was worse, I just can’t recall it.
Well, I think I’m done. I’ve covered HCHSSTT’s, obsessed about getting laid, offended some people and even managed to see two women make out. It doesn’t get better than that does it? Does it?? Now if only I could get laid…Oh and by the way:
Once was a man who had a tan spent his days nibbling on cheese and ham Came upon some hay he jumped in for a curvy lay And came out a big boobie fan! - Limerick 2.0.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
balloon!
My “L” key isn’t working!
You really don’t come across as such a down & depressed fuck in real life. Maybe that’s the thing though, all the “funny” dudes are really sad inside…
ACura!
Lay off the limericks, fool. It’s good to read your blog again though, even if you were completely drunk while writing it. And what is it with men and wanting to see women make out? You’re all such morons.
There was an experiment conducted and apparently even women like to see women making out with other women. At the MRI level.
To quote Freeman at the end of the movie:
“Some birds were never meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too darn bright”
Also, I just found out over the weekend that I am a structuralist, so I have to say that this post has no structure whatsoever.
Alan: Touche!
Trish: The limerick was good. And my mature response to your statement about two women making out is: You’re a MORON!
Mao: My structure comes from the Chaos.